But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
