i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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