my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
