Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
