Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just invented taco cereal.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
not ubering you a puppy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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