Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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