can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
