It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
