Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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