even my farts smell like vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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