so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
