im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
