Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
MIDGETS
????
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
