Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
