do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
