But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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