Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
