How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
