those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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