I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
id be glad to
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
