Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
