I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
