I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
