When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
