i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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