i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
