Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
