i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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