You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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