that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
...so i touched it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
