paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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