I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
