I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Found the puke drawer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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