Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
