You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
