I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
