i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
