I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
