just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
BRING THE BAGELS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
