this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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