six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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