I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
