and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
