yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
