I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
