i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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