happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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