if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
