Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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