i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
